Fascio-Sectarian Party Wins Dutch Election! Oops, No...Sorry, Sorry...Wrong Envelope. VVD Wins Decid

With 81% turnout, the highest in three decades, fascist populism in Europe failed its first test of 2017 when the nationalist firebrand Geert Wilders came a distant second in the closely-watched Dutch election. Wilders, who is staunchly against mass immigration, education, free thought, dark tans, hat-wear and the European Union, was defiant. Claiming he was "part of the winners, Notice my blond hair and sublime complexion, I'm all winner here".

Wilders ran on a "de-Islamification" platform, calling for Islamic schools to be closed and the Quran and burqa to be banned. "There's no room for these kinds of fads here in the Nederland's", Wilders said and was still expecting to see a "European spring" for his supporters. "I think our influence has been enormous...Our patriotic spring will continue, if not, then they haven't seen the back of me yet", referring to his gay porn carrier as a fledgling bottom boy due to his "micropenis", an affliction he shares with US President Donald J. Trump.

Turkish foreign minister, Mevlut Cavusoglu, has claimed "holy wars will soon begin" in Europe, in spite of the defeat of micropenised Geert Wilders (an affliction shared with US President Donald J. Trump) in the Netherlands elections. He did not welcome the victory of Prime Minister Mark Rutte, with his well endowed appendage (the Dutch being known for their large protrusions). "There are no differences between the cocks,” he said according to a translation by Hurriyet. "You have begun to collapse Europe. You are dragging Europe into the abyss. Holy wars will soon begin in Europe.”

PM Rutte was later seen demonstrating a burqa wearing helicopter whilst rolling a rather tidy spliff.