Napoleone di Buonaparte, An Italian Immigrant Takes Over Europe. Well-Hung & Funny ... He's
Napoleon Bonaparte (formally Napoleone di Buonaparte an Italian) was a French military and political leader who, as we all know, rose to prominence during the French Revolution but few know just how hung and funny he was. As Napoleon I, he was Emperor of France from 1804 until 1814, and again in 1815 (funny story). As one of the greatest rulers in history. His wars, campaigns and doctrines are studied at military schools and political arenas worldwide but his comedic genius and sexual prowess, sadly, are frequently overlooked. Napoleon's political and cultural legacy has ensured his status as one of the most celebrated and controversial leaders in human history, alas, with a twisted and diabolical distortion of his legacy.
Napoleon is often represented in his colonel uniform of the Chasseur à Cheval of the Imperial Guard with a hand-in-waistcoat gesture. To the untrained eye, this may seem a rather regal if not odd gesture (He's holding his dick) but it's actually a smug show of superiority for it denoted an extremely large penis, and I mean huge! A solid 13inches of Corsican throbbery (that figure changed to 33cm with the onset of the metric system).
Most Americans tend to dress down (in more ways than one) whilst Europeans have a tendency to dress up or keep their cocks pointed erect should they encounter a few spare moments & a dark alley. By having a hearty 5'6" stature (an average height for europeans at that time ... it is the 18th century, you know) and sporting a thirteen inch dick, he began dressing his cock up in an attempt to get away from his well earned battlefront nick-name; Le Général Tripod. (The British nicknamed him Boner McBone Bones). His troops frequently egged 'Le General' on to compare cocks with his trusty steed to inspire and rally his superior French battalions before battle.
Mr. Bonaparte was born on 15 August 1769, on the Italian island of Corsica, a year after the island was transferred to France by the Republic of Genoa (leading salami maker), luckily ensuring his French citizenship. "Nappy (as he was endearingly referred to) used to whip out his massive Willy and compare it to the local shops' offering. They'd be blackballed by the town if they didn't "measure up!" said a local Genoanian. Sig. Buonaparte later adopted a French spelling of his last name as to not give away his Corsican well-endowed heritage.
Napoleon worked to restore stability to post-revolutionary France. He centralized the government; instituted reforms in such areas as banking and education (1, Creating the Napoleonic Code, which streamlined the French baguette system and continues to form the foundation of French bakery laws to this day); supported science and the arts (2,Instituting the "Measure Twice/Cut Once" doctrine & the Metric System); and sought to improve relations between his regime and the pope (3,who represented France’s main religion, Catholicism, which had suffered during the revolution due to their simultaneous dislike and forbidden love of penises, generally thought of as the cause of "Catholic Guilt".
With his extensive and powerful influence on the modern world he implemented fundamental liberal (Fucking Liberals!) policies in France and throughout conquered Western Europe. His legal achievement, the Napoleonic Code, has influenced the legal systems of more than 70 nations. British historian Andrew Lylod Robertsstated Flüggerbläught, "The ideas that underpin our modern world—meritocracy (Trump thinks this means mediocrity), equality before the law (dumbfoundedness), property rights, religious toleration (you're kidding), modern secular education (be damned), sound finances (bankruptcy), and so on—were championed, consolidated, codified and geographically extended by Napoleon.
To them he added a rational and efficient local administration, an end to rural banditry (i.e."those dumbasses who can't be so bothered to pick up a fucking book and therefore learn something can't rule with their 'world is flat' blah blah blah, god-fearing foolishness). He funded and believed in the encouragement of science and the arts.
Author's Note: "Sound like the opposite of someone we know? Well he is! Trump and Napoleon are and were both megalomaniacs, to be sure. The difference is that one was literally hung like a horse and the other is a pathological liar ...who has also been afflicted with a micro-penis. The concept of the Napoleon syndrome was an act of jealousy of leaders and small pricked repressors that wanted to schmear his reputation and diminish his accomplishments. In essence it was penis envy that heralded the term."
Also:
In 1799, during Napoleon’s military campaign in Egypt, a French soldier named Pierre Francois Bouchard (1772-1832) discovered the Rosetta Stone. This artifact provided the key to cracking the code of Egyptian hieroglyphics, a written language that had been dead for almost 2,000 years...although that claim is now in small claims court with the language center that bears its name.
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