People Magazine's 10 Most Hideous People In the World List Comes Out ...
People Magazine's annual list of the Most Hideous People in the World hits newsstands on Friday. In a world of turmoil and troubles, we have the good fortune and solace of knowing that there are others that seem to carry on in a far worse way than ourselves. Competition was quite fierce for this years list with contestants ranging from a malignant narcissist to a micro-dicked dictator, some pathological liars, a couple of murderers, a few schmucks, some douchebag-frat boys and several no talent fucks. Without further ado, let's get on with the commiserating.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Presenting People Magazine's 2017, 10 Most Hideous People in the World:
Familiarly at the back of the grid, rounding out the top ten, once again sits the pouting, lonely, Danica Patrick. One of the only female drivers in professional racing, Danica's exceptionally honed driving skills have lead her to magnificent performances on the track but have yet to deliver her a sense of humor. With a perpetual scowl of confusion, Ms. Patrick continues to be just awful.
Former Uber CEO, Travis Kalanick, comes in at ninth place with his, "I created an awesome empire, it's called 'Boob-er'." Unfortunately, for the rest of us, it's called Terror. Über douche Kalanick faced accusations that he booked thousands of fake rides from its competitor Lyft in an effort to cut into its profits and services. Sexual harassment scandals and worker strife plague the company. Mr. Kalanick has been removed from his post until further notice.
Kim Jong Un, Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, supreme leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, murderer of his uncle and half-brother and friend of Dennis Rodman, lands in eighth place. With underground hydrogen bomb tests and ballistic missiles firing, the peoples of North Korea continue to struggle with famine and strife due to the DPRK following a "military-first" and screw the rest policy. He is also accredited to leading the men with the smallest penises in the world.
Contrived sixteenth century subservient and ex-KGB agent Vladimir Putin, secures seventh place. With his fear of turning sixty-five this October (average life expectancy for males in Russia is 65), Mr. Putin clings to misogyny, elitism and destroying happiness due to his miserable belief in the Domostroi and fear of death. With plans devised and carried out to disrupt the EU & US and to cause general world-wide mayhem, Mr. Putin lives up to his Ian Fleming-esque "bad boy" reputation.
Notorious for raising the price of a life-saving drug by 5,000%, Martin Shkreli nestles into our list at sixth, before he is quickly forgotten after his June 26 trial, where he will surely be found guilty of all charges, incarcerated and tormented (raped) in prison. While facing charges that he defrauded investors and misappropriated assets, he is most known for trying to profiteer from dying AIDS patients throughout the world. Should we be so lucky to see other pharmaceutical CEO's succumb to the same demise.
In fifth place, we have the entire cast of the "new" Top Gear (Sans the Stig) They're just rubbish! (Editor's note: Our hearts and best wishes are with Richard Hammond for a speedy recovery.)
Twelve time honoree, (the most honored recipient on this list) Hillary Clinton comes in at a solid fourth place. With her most contemptible and underhanded manner of securing the Democratic nomination for president, denying Sen. Bernie Sanders of this role and thus securing Donald J Trump's legacy, we here at La République Nationale whole heartedly encourage pissing on her most un-electable face.
Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte secured his number three slot, when he jokingly reassured soldiers that if any of them were to rape three women, he would "personally" claim responsibility for it. The Philippine president has an affinity for murder (responsible for over 9,000 deaths this year), so it comes to no ones' surprise that he is also a huge fan of raping.
King Salman of Saudi Arabia grabs the penultimate "number two" position. The King presides over a family wealth that's conservatively estimated at $14 trillion. SA is the leading country in the world to breed Islamic fundamentalism and harbor international terrorism. With its closed off borders and abysmal education system, human rites violations are recorded in the thousands per month. Those who are not part of the royal family are continually persecuted and most often killed for not bowing down to the hypocritical tribe.
The title of "Most Hideous Person in the World" may not surprise anyone, for President Donald J. Trump instantly springs to mind. With his grotesquely contorted face, grimacing and puckering like an overcooked Umpa-Lumpa, Mr. Trump certainly makes a case for judging a book by its cover. His painfully remedial fifth grade speaking style makes one's ears bleed. A malignant narcissist, Mr. Trump needs constant attention, much like a spoiled rotten little twat. As a pathological liar and abuser, he has mastered the art of manipulating dim-witted, god-fearing patriots by using brainwashing and duck & cover techniques perfected by the Nazi's. As a second-rate president and first-rate bully, his "I hate" list includes: the liberal media, the liberals, the women, the Mexicans, the gays, the blacks, the literate, the Germans, the intellectually disabled, The Chinese, the Justice Department, the FBI, the scientists, etc ... with the list going on and on. This naturally makes for a perfect recipient of this year's MHPW award.
Alas, though, 'ole Donald is not the winner this year but rather WE are. We the people of this fine planet that have allowed these Shit-fucks (That's when ya stick your dick in an ass ... pull out ... only to be covered in shit) ... allowed these Shit-Fucks, to rule the world.
I'm uncertain as to the solution of this problem but I'm quite sure that a pinch more tolerance, education and respect for one another would be a good start, while exposing and stopping any bullying and intolerance. And of course...Stop having so many God-damned kids!
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