Exposé Part IX: House Speaker Paul Ryan finds Loc-Nar Orb but Can't Seem to Find His Own, Gay As

High atop 666 Fifth Avenue, at Kushner headquarters, dumb-founded frustrations continue to stupefy the Kushners as Alec Baldwin continues to drivel on about God knows what...

"What the hell is that Gay Cheese-head doing? Why's he having a God-damned Town Hall chitty-chat on CNN? What's his game?" Jared confusingly asked."

"Hey, did you guys see Tina Fey on Weekend Update? Alec Baldwin interrupted She called Paul Ryan a "Pussy" during prime-time while eating a cake! Did ya see it? ... I was thinking that I should go on and eat some crêpes filled with pickled herring or marmalade ... I love marmalade ... and call him a C**t"

"Alec!" Charles Kushner quickly jumped in, "Aren't you on summer holiday from all the 47 programs you're on right now? Why don't you take some time and go down to the islands. Work on that tan so you're good and bronzed when ya get back."

"Why is he still here, Dad? He just sits around muttering shit and looking longingly at the mirror," Jared huffed.

"Leave Alec alone, he still may play a part in this and as for Ryan, he's setting himself up as the sound and reasonable voice of the Republican Party."

Charles continued to explain, "He's trying to be presidential so when the impeachment includes that bible-hugging Pence, he'll look like the sane moderate of the GOP ... but don't forget that he's as queer as a three dollar bill and we'll release those videos and pics as soon as the time's ready. Now get to Cairo and find us that black bird and a mummy or two."

Loc-Nar Goes Shopping

"Does the bird come in anything but black?...

More to come in this continually enthralling tale of backroom plotting

Exposé