"Mother's Day Massacre" at Trump's Mar-A-Lago Resort Turns Into Immigrant Cleansi
On a warm and sunny Mother's Day morning, the once serene and prosperous community of Palm Beach (following a tweet from President Donald J. Trump) would become draped in crimson and terror.
Palm Beach, FL. President Donald J. Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort and club, commonly referred to as the "Winter White House." which has hosted foreign dignitaries, foreign celebrities and foreign investors would soon come to be known as the site of the "Mother's Day Massacre."
After watching Harold Ramis' 1980 classic comedy, Caddyshack and being inspired by the film's pool scene (where the pool is graciously opened up to the caddy staff for 10 minutes) club owner Trump, declared "A Day of Celebration" for all Real American's and their Mothers. Ordering staff to open the gates to his many devote supporters, Trump tweeted the following message, which many took to be a clear invitation to the club, which Trump later denied.
The club recently doubled its initial membership fee to $200,000. Mar-a-Lago's nearly 500 members also pay $14,000 in annual fees, safeguarding the highest order of exclusivity, i.e. keeping the "riffraff" out. On Sunday, though, those numbers sky rocketed well into the thousands as the grounds were overrun with said riffraff whom the President frequently referred to as, "The poorly educated," which he loves so so much.
During it's last formal meal of the season, a sumptuous buffet brunch typical of the private club’s over-the-top style, club members were simultaneously appalled and terrified. Sounds of thundering V-8's, horns playing "I wish I was in Dixie" and choruses of "Friends in Low Places" drowned out the gasps of superiority, indignation and disgust by the brunching club's elite.
The mostly immigrant staff of Mar-a-Lago scrambled to accommodate the newly arriving guest as the influx of Trump supporters flooded onto the greens and beaches. The hordes cannon-balled into the 100’ by 50’ pool, which was surrounded by billowing yellow-striped umbrellas that were used as jousting lances. The whirlpool quickly became a "Circle Jerk" troth of heterosexuality and Americanism. While the delicious beachfront Bistro that serves, "Simply the best canapés you've ever tried," Trump once touted, became the "Ranch Dressing" dispensary ... cuz everything tastes better with Ranch on it.
The Guinness Book of World Records recorded the event as having the most Dodge Charger General Lee's gathered at one place. The previous record being set at the White Man's March in Mobile Alabama, held in 1978. Roger Stone, Trump's personal friend and trusted advisor, drove up in his modified Charger with a "Gay Rainbow Flag" on the roof, replacing the customary Confederate Flag. Stone was quoted as saying, "You know I can't pass me up a good Circle Jerk!"
Secret Service agents struggled to maintain order as Rocker Ted Nugent took to the makeshift stage, perched high upon the club's spa. With chants of "Trump, Trump, Trump" & "America First" echoing throughout, Mr. Nugent began playing the National Anthem on his M-16 Fender guitar.
Halfway through the anthem, Mr. Nugent, noticing the immigrant club staff, who were attending to the swarm of supporters with alacrity and haste, opened fire. Unleashing a flood of bullets and terror into the crowd, killing several staff members while shouting out, "Die Wetbacks, Die! ...I want you all dead!" before Secret Service agents extinguished the aging Rock Star with a single bullet to the head.
Due to the chaotic exodus of Mar-A-Lago, Larry the Cable Guy did not perform but was later found drowned in a tank of ranch dressing.
Local Police officers weren't allowed access until late Monday. When asked for the club's surveillance tapes, club spokesperson Aryan White, had this to say, "There are no tapes at this time that we're aware of. We don't know if tapes exist or not."
Mr. Trump released this tweet from his New Jersey resort, Bedminster, late Monday night.
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