Exclusive LRNtoday Interview "Who is this Satan Person, Anyway*", Conducted by Stephen Fry
LRNtoday is honored to introduce veteran actor, playwright and your host, Stephen Fry, presenting "Tea with Fry". We begin this series with his exclusive multi-part interview with Satan (aka; the Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Mara, Iblis, etc.) which will likely be his most wholly of un-holy meet and greets.
Stephen Fry (FRY) Throughout time, Satan has been attributed to more evil doings than any other entity on earth or in heaven. Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Charles Manson, Mariah Carey, Vlad the Impaler, Mitch McConnell, Jeffery Dahmer ... have nothing on the one and only, Satan. So, without further ado, I'm truly humbled to introduce to you ... Well, quite frankly, I'm not sure by what name you want to be referred to as, the Prince of Darkness?"
Kitty (KTY) You can call me Kitty.
FRY Hello Kitty ";)"
KTY Hello Stephen
FRY Let me begin by asking, what's it like to be "Evil Incarnate"?
KTY Oh Stephen, I am not evil incarnate but rather, the balance of the universe and without me, none of your world's religions would exist.
FRY I could agree that all our religions have some form of you but I'm uncertain as to you being the base or foundation of them, Kitty.
KTY Of course I am, Stephen. I am usually associated with fear and deceit, which all of your religions are based upon ... although I am not actually like that at all. I am about balance and harmony.
FRY Are you saying that all religions are based on fear and deceit?
KTY Of course they are, Stephen, they are essentially (to use a modern term) Stockholm Syndromes. Granted, some more than others.
FRY Would you care to elaborate, Kitty?
KTY I'd love to Stephen. Let's take a look at two examples and I know there are plenty more but let's talk about these today. Christianity and Buddhism.
FRY Whatever you'd like Kitty.
KTY Let's begin with Christians, the biggest instillers of fear and loathing in modern times and their belief in eternal damnation! Are you fucking kidding me? Eternal damnation! What's that about?
FRY I imagine that it was a teaching tool to ... oh yes, I see what you're saying ... to instill fear.
KTY Exactly Stephen. How is the idea, that if you make a mistake/s, you shall be eternally banished too Hell (which doesn't exist btw), enlightened? Eternally banished? It makes no fucking sense. One learns from one's mistakes. To fear experiencing things is an insult to life and your true nature.
Jesus talked about this but then that fucktwat Paul made it all about him and his tiny pee-pee so the message was thoroughly lost, again ...fear.
FRY I have to admit that I've never been sold on the concept of Hell but then again I'm from Hampstead. You mentioned Paul, I'm assuming you meant Saint Paul the apostle?
KTY lol ... Saint Paul? A saint? ...now that's fucking funny. You do realize that he was the worst? I mean just the worst! He pretty much back-tracked Jesus' words of enlightenment and practically banished free-thought & will. He brought back the archaic Old Testament approach to ruling.
The Christians are therefore left with a no-win situation. There is no way to live such a pious life that you won't be banished to hell (which doesn't exist) thus, most hide and fake their lives, living in doubt and fear. It has nothing to do with me but rather, Paul, who used to prosecute them before he "was saved" ... it's his fear tactic that governs Christianity.
FRY All valid points Kitty. May I bring up you being attributed to the fall of paradise when you tempted Eve in Eden?
KTY Ugh! First and foremost, that wasn't me although I support the Serpent and Eve's eating from the tree of knowledge! Who wouldn't? Again, a no-win situation. What kind of God would ever put such a twisted situation before his children?
"Here's the fruit of knowledge but you can't have it and if you do, you'll be banished." What kind of a fucking dick would ever do that to someone, let alone their chosen?
...and by the way, that's Judaism and guess what? Jews don't believe in Hell. Ya know why, Stephen?
FRY Because Hell doesn't exist, Kitty?
KTY That's right ... because Hell doesn't exist, Stephen.
FRY Shall we talk about the Buddhists for a bit, Kitty?
KTY The Buddhists have named me "Mara" and they believe that I distract humans from practicing the spiritual life by making mundane things alluring or the negative seem positive. That's your iPorn, Twindr, ePray and Worthless-crap Prime. Don't blame me for that!
FRY So then, what is your position? Who is Kitty?
KTY Well Stephen, we are already over the 800 word cut off so we can pick this up in the next interview.
FRY We're already past eight hundred words? How did you know that Kitty?
KTY I'm a god Stephen, I know everything...
Part II, The Real Satan...
FRY What would people be surprised to know about you?
KTY I'm the little spoon.
“All character's voices, thoughts and opinions, in this series (even Mr. Fry's) are entirely concocted by the LRNtoday staff.
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